Recent Activities and Virtual Ass Kickings

So a friend recently pointed out to me (a.k.a he called me on my s**t) that I haven't posted a new blog in almost a year. April 24th of 2014 as he so kindly tweets me over and over and over. To be fair, my life has been very busy and I have been working on other writing projects. One such project I am extremely excited about and will reveal at a later date. But I digress. However, even though I feel I have some valid reasons for not posting on this blog, I'm ready to get him off my ass. So here it is, Jason! I'm #justwriting. (P.S. Even though I'm bitching at him at the moment, he is a wonderful writer and I would be remiss if I didn't direct you to his blog at jayjaysentertainment.blogspot.com)

What have I been up to you ask? How kind. Well, let's see. I've just moved to Atlanta, Ga. Which to some may be like, 'meh', but to me is a big deal. Mainly because of the huge changes that have come with it. I'm not a fan of change.Wait. Let me rephrase that. I don't mind change so much, but I have a hard time adjusting to it. I don't assimilate easily. (The Borg would hate me). When I moved from my hometown to Anderson, SC, it took me about six months before I was able to fully adjust. Granted, this was the first time I had ever moved away from home. Since then, Bryant and I have moved five times in six years. People always assume we are military. We aren't. We tell them we are just gluttons for punishment. (Job opportunities were the main reasons for the moves). So for a person who doesn't do so hot with big changes, I sure have been through a lot of them.

 My first weekend in Atlanta, I had a full blown anxiety attack that landed me at urgent care in which I left with a prescription for anxiety medication to help me adjust. I am no longer taking the medication, but it really helped me get through things. (KellieRae, if you're reading this, yes, this was the reason I wasn't able to start work that weekend. I was truly sick, just not in a physiological way). I think I'm doing better than I was, but to be honest I haven't really had time to tell. Since we moved back in October of last year, we have been back to Valdosta several times to help family and for regular visits as well. I am currently in Valdosta and have been for about five weeks now. My mother had major surgery on her spine and my grandmother has recently gone through surgery on her shoulder as well as a few other medical issues. So, I came home to help everyone. I really haven't had time to feel settled there. I will admit, that after the anxiety came a bit of a depression. I missed my hometown again, specifically the people who live here. I kept thinking to myself, 'I have to start over again?! Find a new job and make new friends again?! I'm not sure I have it in me anymore!' I hate depression. Unfortunately, I have dealt with it for about half of my life now. I honestly can't believe I'm revealing all of this in a public forum. But maybe people reading this who have dealt with this issue won't feel as alone. Because if depression is only one thing, it sure is lonely. I believe that you have to let yourself feel it. Wallow in it even. Ask why me. However, I put a time limit on it. I say to myself, 'Alright, Cooley. Wallow in your own self pity and sadness, but only until this day at this time. After that, you have to pull yourself back up and figure out how to deal with what is going on.' This was actually a brilliant suggestion from one of my therapists and it has saved me a thousand times over. I've now already been through that period, and I feel it is time to come out of it. I'm determined not to let myself get bogged down in sadness again when I get back to Atlanta. So, I've made plans. I now have some things to look forward to. I'm excited to finally decorate our apartment since we've had no time to do so. I've got a meeting with an adviser at GSU, who will hopefully be able to quell some of my fears about returning to school and answer some of the burning questions I have about the degree and courses I may be taking. (I hate to get completely off topic here, but I am simultaneously writing this and watching Star Trek: Voyager both on the same computer. It's a freaking split screen! I've *got* to get one of these SurfacePro things). Ok, sorry. I had to physically shake myself out of that one.

As you can see, I actually have been quite busy. I'm also having to deal with some major issues that have cropped up with my BS chronic illness that has slowed me down and have had to go back on a medication that I was previously able to stop taking. That's an entirely different post. Let's just say, I'm not happy about it. But, I don't think I would be able to make it though all of my future plans in my current state and I need the medication at this point in time. Maybe I will be able to come back off of it again. It's a roller coaster ride and nothing is ever dull in my life that's for sure!!! :) There's always something happening in my family that keeps me on my toes. I guess that sort of a silver lining in a way. I do always try to find them. They may be small, but they're always there. And I wouldn't make it through life without them.

And last, but certainly not least, thank you. Thank you for reading all of my blabbering. I was advised by my aforementioned friend, to take my own advice and just write. Even if it's total crap. Even if it's just word vomit. Just. Write. Get my blog post juices flowing again. So again, thank you for bearing with me through all of it. (Happy now, Jason?) Until next time!

-Kel