Chronic Illness.

It has been three months since my last confession. I'm kidding...I'm not Catholic. But it has been three months since my last blog post. I'm taking the shame. Honestly, I have had several topic ideas, I just didn't think they were good enough to write about. Then, I noticed the title of my blog. Just. Write. I decided to take my own advice as well as the advice of an amazing group of people that I have me through the internet. That may sound silly to some, but these people have become family to me. I would like to thank you all for your support and encouragement. You know who you are. :)

It may come as a surprise to you that I am actually a very private person. Mainly because I share myself through this blog. But through this blog I control what I do and do not share. What I'm about to share now is very personal.

I have a chronic illness that I have to deal with every day and probably for the rest of my life. I don't know how many of you have heard of Fibromyalgia (which will be shortened to FM for the purposes of this post). I call FM the invisible disease because just to look at me you wouldn't think anything is wrong. However, I deal with pain, amongst many other symptoms, on a daily basis. Ten years ago, people didn't even believe it was a real condition. But now it is quite evident that it is very real. However, doctors still don't understand why people suffer with this illness. They don't know why it strikes us down and so far there is no cure. And there are a lot of people out there who still don't believe we are sick. They think it is a mental thing rather than a physical one. But through extensive studies it has been concluded that it is indeed a physical condition.

It's rather difficult to explain to people what FM is exactly. Especially since I don't fully understand it myself. But I'm going to do my best to try. I'm going to try to explain the pain of FM. Think of the pain signals in the brain like a music amplifier. When pain hits the body in a healthy person, let's say you bump your leg, the pain signals in the brain may go up to a four or five. In someone with FM, the pain signals get confused and the pain level in the brain may go up to ten or even higher. Our bodies are confused as to how to process pain. Weather affects FM pain levels as well. I call myself the human barometer. I can tell when a storm or weather front is coming without so much as a peek at the weather station. Haha! Arthritis also comes along with FM which affects the joints in my body. I deal with some amount of pain every day, but there are times where I have full on flare ups. What flare ups do is make it almost impossible to function. The pain is so bad I have to use a rolling walker just to get to the bathroom and back. I am so fatigued that lifting my pinkie finger literally takes all I can do.

Don't get me wrong. I can have wonderful days where I feel like I can do anything! I tend to over do it on those days, but I enjoy them to the fullest. Recently, the months of December and January have been absolutely amazing. Then came February and March. The flare ups hit me hard and has made it difficult to function and get things accomplished. I push through as hard as I can. In the end, I feel lucky. It sucks having to deal with this every day, but this isn't a disease that will kill me. My Grandmother just went through chemo battling breast cancer. I try to put things into perspective. But it doesn't mean that what I have to deal with isn't rough or any less important. If you have someone in your life that suffers from this illness, please be patient. FM causes so many ups and downs, highs and lows. I can wake up feeling great, then not be able to move by the evening. I now have to limit myself. I used to go hiking, play tag football, soccer, tennis etc. I can still do some of those things only in moderation. It is hard going from a full steam ahead person to having limitations set upon me. But I just deal with it the best I can and push forward. That's really all I can do.

~Kel

I would like to add one more thing. I have an amazing, wonderful, brilliant husband that fully supports me. He takes our wedding vows, for better or for worse, to heart and I couldn't love him any more for it. He is my rock, my safe place. I love you so much. You are my Charming ;) .