The Jump

What in the actual hell am I doing? I’m rising a lot higher than I thought this would be. The ground seems like a million miles down and my vision is blurring.  The kid controlling the bucket chewing his gum looks like he would rather be anywhere else than here. How old could he possibly be?! Sixteen? Seventeen? Oh my god…his face could be the last face I ever see up close. And frankly, not to be mean or anything, but he isn’t really even cute! I’m going to see his uncute face in my head as I’m plummeting to my death. However, people say that your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. What would I see? Why am I picturing the time I was scared shitless of the suction McDonald’s Happy Meal Ursula toy in the bath? Is that seriously what is going to be flashing into my head right before I fall into the swirling abyss of the afterlife? Oh! I wonder if it is really like Hercules. That. Would. Be. Awesome. I automatically assume I’m going to hell when I die. I guess that’s what comes from watching so much Supernatural. I wonder if Mark Pellegrino will be there….. What? We’ve reached the top? Ok. Shake it off, McKown. That’s right. You’re a McKown. You come from strong Scottish heritage. Your ancestors survived three different brutal attacks on their clan for Christ sake! You can do this! Freeeeeedooooom!!!!!  I can do this. I can do this. I can-does this thing have rust forming on it?! I seem to be sweating quite profusely. Is Uncute saying something to me? I seem to only be able to hear the beat of my own heart; which is beating quite quickly. “You’re all strapped in. Ready?” Huh? What? No I’m not ready! Damn you for not being able to turn down a dare, Kellie! If you stop now you’re going to look like a total pussy. Deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths. “Ma’am, if you don’t go within the next few minutes, I’ll have to take you back down.” Ma’am?! How dare him! I am nowhere near ma’am status! “Ma’am, when I count to three this time you have to go.” I think I answered him back with something understandable. “One.” Oh my God. “Two.” I’m really about to do this. “Three.” Holy Shit!!!! Is it over? Did I survive? I did! I made it! Good lord that was scary. They didn’t think I would actually go through with it. But I did. Now…where’s my money, bitches?